My good friend, and health guru/coach Molly, wrote a fantastically awesome post about all the things she’s tired of hearing as a personal trainer. This is my response to said post.
Here’s the thing, you may be tired of hearing it, but I can guarantee that us folks who are still trying to maneuver around the healthy-living/gym-stratosphere, are probably going to continue saying these things. And we’re going to keep wondering if what you’re telling us is really true. Because, for most of us, we don’t really know what we’re doing or talking about, but we think we do because we read tons of fitness magazines. And aspire to be healthy.
And I know that I’m going to keep saying these things to you. So be prepared to keep rolling those eyes…
“I don’t want to use those weights, I’m afraid of getting bulky.” – Let me start here by saying, when I say this, it’s not out of fear of getting bulky. It’s because I don’t really feel like lifting 15 lb dumbbells over my head in a fly motion or whatever you feel like calling it. They feel wicked heavy, and I’m tired. Bottom line. So, you’re going to keep hearing this. And you’re going to have to keep telling me I’m not going to become a she-hulk. And I’m going to keep pretending I don’t know that, just so I can try to get out of lifting weights. Or at least the heavier ones. Give me a 5 lb dumb bell and I’ll go to town. 15 lbs… no flippin’ way.
And for the record… maybe I’ll start sneaking a little bit of testosterone into my diet just so I DO bulk up and I can be like ‘I told you so… the 15lbs was way too heavy. Now I look like a man.”
On another note – if you google She-Hulk. It’s a real thing; like actually a comic book character.
“Can we just focus on my abs? I want to lose the weight there.” – Yep, I know that there is no way to spot reduce fat (remember, I read fitness magazines), but I’m still asking because I’m hoping that you’ll know a way to make it happen. I’m also testing you to see if you’re lying to me. IF you tell me yes, then I know you’re just appeasing me because it can’t happen like that. If you tell me no, then I’m going to cry and decide that I don’t want to work out anymore. Because it’s too hard to lose weight. Seriously, just tell me I’m going to do 50 sit ups and immediately have super model abs. It will make me happy. And if you tell me this every time I ask this, eventually I will have awesome abs and the problem will be fixed.
“I don’t want to do this exercise. Can we try something else?” – Let me first tell say, I pay you to get me in shape. Having said that, I should have full control over what we do in our training sessions. And if that means, I want to sit on a recumbent bike, barely peddling, while reading a book, you’re going to let me do that. Remember, YOU’RE STILL GETTING PAID. Sure, I know, you secretly LOVE making me want to cry as I do ten more pushups and a 5 minute plank, but I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I’m only paying you so I can say ‘Yeah, I get to work out with my personal trainer today.’ It makes me sound like I’m a beast at the gym. Let me do this occasionally… especially if I’m exhausted. And then occasionally I won’t complain about the masochist exercises your about to make me do.
“I don’t get how I’m not losing weight! I only eat Greek yogurt for my breakfast!” – We’ve been brought up in a culture where we’ve heard reducing calories and eating healthy helps up lose weight. Now we’re hearing that we should be eating more to lose weight. Quite honestly, I’m eating Greek Yogurt for breakfast because I’m so overwhelmed with the millions of options that it seems like the quickest and easiest when I have to work. Let’s be serious. I don’t have time to make anything in the morning. I barely have time to get a workout in, and get ready for work. Greek yogurt with fruit sounds like a grand breakfast to me. And it’s high in protein. And lower in calories. Sounds like a win/win to me!
“I’m not seeing any progress. Nothing is changing!” – In my one session a week with you, on the weeks where I’m not demanding to sit on the recumbent bike, I expect you to work miracles. And by miracles I mean, lose 10 lbs without lifting a finger the rest of the week. That’s how this whole weight loss thing works right? I work out once and WHAMMO the weight comes off. No? Oh. Okay. I guess I should probably start at least walking on the treadmill when I’m not working out with you.
“I’m going on vacation in a few weeks and I want to lose 10 lbs.” – I know. I probably should have thought of this before my vacation snuck up on me. Like 4 months ago. But let’s be honest. Pizza and beer were way more fun than working out and eating healthy. So now it’s time to crash diet until vacation when I can gain all of it back. That works right? You can totally help me do this right? I mean, 10 lbs is only 10 lbs right… it shouldn’t take THAT long.
So there you go personal trainer Molly. The reasons why we say the things we do when we’re working out with you.
*Disclaimer – I’m not stupid and I know half of the things I said in my responses sound absolutely ridiculous. The point is just a fun response to the things personal trainers are sick of hearing. This is more about the things that come to my mind when hearing these things; I don’t speak for the population or majority.
**Disclaimer 2 – I’ve known Molly a really long time. We totally poke fun at each other all the time. It’s normal. She knows my eating and workout habits. She knows I’m a lazy bum most of the time, but also knows how long it’s taken me to lose 10 lbs (I hit it today and it’s been almost 3 months!). I trust her 100% with her advice and know that she’s not lying to me when she tells me these things. I just don’t always like to listen to her. She will totally agree with me on this too.