The Five Stages of Grief

You know that moment when something happens to you that is so profound that it literally makes your jaw drop to the floor. Have you ever had that moment happen to you after stepping on a scale? Because I have. In fact, it happened this morning. And not in a good way.

I have a FitBit Aria Scale. It doesn’t lie. It is probably the most dead on scale I have ever owned. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s too dead on.

My fantastic (and slightly evil) scale.

20130110-123758.jpg
Source

See, sometimes I like my scale to lie to me. Just a little bit. If I’ve gained 3 pounds, I want it to tell me I have only gained 2.5 lbs, just to make me feel better (I’m convinced my old scale did this. I’m also convinced it was not good for my head.)

I’ve been telling lying to myself for weeks now that I’m jumping back on the healthy wagon. And everyday something comes up, and suddenly I find myself gorging on pizza. And then I try to justify it by telling myself “It’s okay. You ate healthy the rest of the day!” Clearly I’m just lying to myself.

We just moved into a new apartment. Granted, we bought lots of healthy foods and we cook, but we also bought a lot of beer and wine. Because if friends come over, we have to be ready!

So this morning, I decided that Weight Watchers Round 10 was going to begin. I was prepared and ready to go. Last week, I had jumped on above scale and saw that I had only gained 2 pounds through the holidays. Instant win in my book, even though I was still closing in on my post-college graduation weight. Convinced that I had probably lost a pound or two since then because I was eating healthier, I hopped on the scale.

I have never seen my scale jump to a number so fast in my life!

Nor did I like the number staring back at me.

187.4 HOLY CRAP!

I think I went through every stage of grief at 6:30 this morning while looking at the scale.

1. Denial: ‘No frickin’ way! You are lying to me! I’ve been SOOOO good all week.’ (hops off scale and checks it) ‘Maybe your just off balance…’ (Good try, it’s on a tile floor). ‘Are the batteries dying?’ (Brand new!)

2. Anger: No, I wasn’t angry at the scale. Even though its totally the scales fault. I was so angry at myself for even LETTING myself get back to this point. I had promised myself I would never see that number on the scale again. And here I was, nearly 5 years later, back at that point.

3. Bargaining: ‘Now, if I get back on you, you’re going to show a MUCH lower number this time, because come on. Really? I’m not that heavy,”

For the record…. I am that heavy.

4. Depression: Yes. I cried. It SUCKED seeing that number staring back at me. It was horrible and a god awful way to start my day.

5. Acceptance: And then it hit me. This is nobody’s fault but my own. No one forced food down my throat, or told me to have one more beer. It was all me.

Source

Which means, it’s on me to conquer it.

I can officially say things can only go up from here (or hopefully down in my case)!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s